Baby Steps Towards Annual Goals

Two things:  I like baby steps. I don't like "New Year's Resolutions."  And these two things are connected.

Resolutions seem too big.  Too definite, unyielding, unforgiving.  They also seem fated to fail, the New Year's variety in particular.  A momentary resolve spurred by holiday excess that naturally falls away once the hangover fades.  A new habit of hitting the gym before work falters with the first late night movie, cold or conflict and never gets picked up again.

Baby steps! Photo by Kellie O'Donnell

On the flip side baby steps can be very insidious - in a good way.  You don't have to eat healthy (always, every time, forEVER) - you just have to eat some vegetables this one time right here.  You won't even notice it.  You don't have to run a marathon, just one mile right now.  Or just put some running shoes on and see what happens.  Kinda like when I cleaner my house instead of clean my house.  I'm going for cleaner, not clean.  Expectations instantly evaporate and I have nothing but positive accomplishment that feeds on itself and creates a perpetual positive feedback loop.

So I don't do New Year's resolutions.  I do like to have goals and often will do some reflecting upon and/or setting of goals around my birthday.  My birthday was almost three months ago and I didn't write goals down as they aren't terribly coherent.  But the theme goes something like this:

• Art
• Relationships & connections (friends, family, community)
• Food

I keep trying to nail it down in some sort of "goal" or "statement." That isn't really working for me but here are some examples:

• Taking a Food & Nutrition class online through Edx.com and McGill University.  It is a 14-week basic chemistry class, takes a good chunk of time each week and has assignments and tests and such.  It is for serious.
• A winter pottery class making mugs and bowls and such for some family and friends.  I chat with pottery friends at open studio about the best way to do pottery thingies. 
• Stay connected with far flung friends despite the lack of in person-ness. 
• Support my beautiful artist step-mom and her amazing book binding and watercolors.
• Keep posting on this here blog.
• A summer relay running race with friends in July.
• Reading, reading, reading.
• Knitting lots and lots of baby hats for all the progeny friends and family are spouting.
• Cook tasty & healthy food.  Serve it to people in my pots!

It is a bit scattered, a bit squishy, but it's all aiming at trying to cultivate a little more peace, a little more beauty.  For me and for those I love.

Secret Ingredient: Joy

Me and yoga go way back.  We've had our ups and our downs.  We were wild with passion for a while, went to India, played in Alaska, practiced together at home everyday for a year and were able to do some crazy flexy Gumby-like things for a while there.  Once we even did a version of this (forearm-stand version instead of handstand version) - though with much teacher support and we were not nearly so picturesque.  At some point though we started spending less time together and before I knew it, I realized we had barely hung out at all for a couple years.

Two years ago YogaGlo brought us back together and last summer I started thinking about the good ol' days of headstand.  It took a good bit of practice but me and headstand are solidly reunited and better than ever even.  Other inversions... not so much.  Forearm stand was always so easy (easier than headstand) and now it simply escapes me.  Handstand, which I never really nailed even against a wall, is a ludicrous effort to defy gravity.  The more I practice, the worse they both seem to get.

So last weekend we were in Bend with a friend.  The boys spent Friday and Saturday up on the mountain and I spent the days raxing.  I did some reading, caught up on calls with friends and family, walked the doggie, looked at the pretty mountains, and with the trusty wall at my back queued up a few YogaGlo handstand tutorials.

The first one was helpful but I was still flailing and nowhere close to even a hint of handstand.  The second one was technically less helpful but in the intro talked a bit about what handstand is about.  The instructor reminded me that handstands are what kids do when they are playing around and at the heart of handstand is joy.  When I first learned handstand my teacher talked about very strong arms but softening your heart.  More recently one of my favorite YogaGlo classes talks about handstand in terms of unconditional self-love.  Solidity and strength in the arms (unconditional) and softening your heart down (self-love.)

I had been so focused and working so hard to think myself into handstand.  I wasn't upset or unhappy about any of it, but I was being pretty darn serious.  The more I flailed the harder I focused and then the deeper I fell away from the poses.  I completely forgot about being silly and joyful.  I forgot that the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly and it is much easier to fly into handstand lightly!

Somehow I never forget to keep joy front and center with my running.  Hopefully I can remember it is the crucial ingredient in pottery, poetry, yoga, cooking, loving and everything!

I did one last tutorial (on forearm stand actually) and leading with my heart felt what it was like to step lightly up into an inverted balance.  From there I was able to take that physical remembrance and get into some short, baby handstands.  Lesson learned:  The secret ingredient is always joy.