Just a Moment of Frustration

Those of us here at Wayward Princess have a commitment to optimism and positivity. Fully aware of this I apologize for this post, which is a quick diversion into frustration. By the end, however, I promise to bring it around.

I am feeling somewhat frustrated with "work." I am now an official Massage Therapist and as of January 1 I have been working as such. I was prepared for it to be slow going but things were going fairly well. Every two-week period was proving more fruitful than the previous two-week period. My best two-week period was only about $400 (not enough to pay rent and live on), but I was steadily building clients. I had finished school. I had found a job working in a spa three days a week. I had found a lovely apartment of my very own to live and work in.

And then the last few weeks have been thoroughly demoralizing.

The spa is providing me with painfully few clients. Like one a week. They just opened the spa compenent of the establishment (facials, waxing, massage - previously it was only a hair salon) and so I understand it takes a while. However, the owners' lives outside the spa have been very hectic and busy and so they've done no advertising or promotion work of any sort to try to bring clients in. While I understand that they just haven't had the ability to do anything, the result for me is that I sit all day when I'm here and I make zero money and that doesn't work. I can't really do writing or reading or anything else productive because there are people in and out of the break room (a cramped, windowless space) and I am trying to meet clients that come in the door so I can lure them into my massage room. I am not a hapless victim of the situation. I've been talking to hair clients. I've been talking to neighboring businesses. I've been offering people complimentary massages. I've been trying to develop gift packages for other businesses to purchase in bulk for their clients and employees. I'm just getting very little support or feedback on any of it and have not the authority to take it all the way on my own. So I sit with no clients and nothing to do. This is not a sustainable situation. It is rather hard to pay rent on $30 a week. If things don't shape up soon I shall start to explore other options. Actually, I've already started to explore other options. But I shall start to explore them with more seriousness.

And then there is the private practice side of my work. Things were slowly building and I was feeling optimistic about it then everything just dried up. One client never showed up for an appointment and never returned any of my calls. Another client wanted to reschedule an appointment and after playing phone tag for a couple of days just stopped returning my phone calls. And the other clients I was working with just haven't called (or haven't returned my calls letting them know about my move) and no new clients have called.

I know that I'm a good massage therapist and that it isn't my massages that are the problem. But I haven't figured out what the problem is exactly, which makes it hard to solve the problem, and then I just sort of snapped earlier this week at one point. Last week I was starting to feel very down and pessimistic and really questioning whether this is something that I can make happen or even want to make happen. The last few months I've kept telling myself that it takes time to build your business and it always goes slow and I know I'm good at giving massage and I know that I'm very organized, professional and all those other things that go into being "successful" and that I will be able to do well at this. But at what point does optimism become dellusion?? However, this week we are in now was looking better. I had four spa clients scheduled, one private client and two clinic clients. A decided improvement. The clinic pays pretty poorly and the spa doesn't pay super either, but it was looking a lot better.

And then on Wednesday I had both my spa clients for that day cancel as well as my private client. I was on the brink of tears most of the day because I was so frustrated and feeling so defeated and unsupported. Here I have just moved into a new apartment, have paid almost $2000 between 1st month, last month, deposit, etc. and am looking at $600 of expenses each month I didn't have before and I don't have any friggin' clients anywhere despite really, trully working at it.

But let's not linger there. Wednesday night I had two great clients at the clinic who really enjoyed their massages. I left feeling invigorated and reassured AND I got $30 in tips (in addition to the small payment I got for working there) which is something. And my parents (all four of them) are very supportive. My local parents are giving my cards to all their friends and trying to help me get more clients. They also are feeding me on occasion and I know would let me move back in if I needed to (though I really, REALLY, don't want to have to do that.) My long-distance parents have been giving me lots of moral support and cheerleading and have said they are a financial resource if it comes down to that. And Christopher is lovely, lovely, lovely. lovely, lovely. Very sweet and supportive and nice to me when I'm feeling distressed. He even gave me a foot rub last night. Granted it was because I won a bet, but the winner of the bet wasn't totally clear so it was sort of like he just gave it to me.

And so what now? This is an excellent learning experience, I'll take whatever I can from it and try to enjoy it. I'll look for other jobs doing massage or babysitting or something - even possibly waitressing something I have no apptitude for as I like to go to bed early. But someone my mom knows is leaving his job at a very nicely run, vegitarian friendly place and thinks I could easily take his place. We shall see. In any case I'm going to have a very fun summer hiking and camping with Christopher, playing on the river and resevoirs with friends, doing a triathlon, going to Alaska and who knows what other adventures! This weekend for example - last night was the bull riding at the Penn Valley Rodeo (whoo hoo!), tonight is a party and tomorrow is a bike ride. I'm going to enjoy where I am while I'm here and hopefully make enough to pay my rent. If not, my savings account will dwindle to nearly nothing, but starve I will not. And in the meantime I will explore a little more the whole "what next?" bit. I've been waiting for it to reveal itself since I started massage school last summer but it hasn't yet proved forthcoming. Maybe it is important for me to fail at massage so I can have that experience and then go and do something else while also having massage be a part of me.

New Quarters

I have made a return to the land of independent living! After almost a year (11 and a half months) of travelling, visiting, house-sitting, loitering and general-vagabondness I have my very own dwelling place. A habitat all of my own. Technically this dwelling or habitat is the property of my landlord but in general terms I have my own apartment. And for the first time I will be living totally alone. No parents, no roommates, no housemates, no suitemates, no one. I get to have it alllllll to myself. I tend to think that roommates are good because of the whole safety thing and "personal growth" thing (nothing like a roommate to remind you that you aren't as perfect as maybe you were thinking you might be) but I am really looking forward to having my own place. And after a year of living with friends, parents, housesitting, etc. I'm thoroughly eager to be in my own abode.

Of course this means that I shall now have to pay many, many dollars each and every month to maintain this domicile and business is painfully slow, but I feel it is important for a young woman in her mid-twenties (nearly late twenties!) to not live at home indefiniteley. It is important from a general, theroretical perspective and even more important when dealing with the actual details of day-to-day living with one's parents. Don't get me wrong, my parents (all four of them) are rather fantastic, but I think it fairly likely that I might commit some act of violence upon them, myself, or even an innocent bystander if I were to inhabit the same space as them for an indefinite length of time.

And I'm hoping that the pressure of HAVING to make money to pay rent will make my business start to boom. The whole, "jump and the net will appear" or "the universe will provide" sort of thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm working very hard at luring clients into my clutches, it is just somewhat slow going. Now that I'm settled in my own place though I'll be able to spend more time doing all that cultivation and development stuff and we'll see where it goes. And there is always the knowledge that if I fail utterly my family and friends probably won't let me starve or live on the street. As it is I've pinched toilet paper, dish towels, random food stuff, cleaning supplies and so on from my parents. And I thoroughly intend to eat their food from time to time as well. So I guess my independent living isn't 100% independent, but how many people are actually 100% independent? No man is an island, right?

Once I get the place organized and put together I'll try to get photos up. No promises though.