Absolutely Awesome

Wedding stressssssssssssssssss

With our wedding this summer I’ve been vacillating back and forth between extreme excitement and some form of extreme stress that I haven’t quite been able to pinpoint.

The excitement side is fairly straight-forward. I love my Christopher and we get to have a fantastic party with all our family and closest friends to celebrate formally and officially committing ourselves to sharing this love and a life together for always. And I get to do it in a fabulous dress.

The stress part was somewhat unexpected. I’ve been organizing much larger events for over a decade at this point, one itty-bitty-little wedding?? No problem. I failed, however, to realize a few key points that differentiate weddings from just about anything else.

Mostly it boils down to people get crazy when it comes to weddings and most wedding hoopla really doesn’t appeal to me.

Take, for instance, photography. Wedding photographers seem to start at the $2,000 mark – and that generally doesn’t include actual photographs, just the taking of the photographs. The average cost I was seeing for fully documenting the wedding and getting some actual prints was about $3,500+. There was one photography package that was $14,995!!!!! Some of the wedding photographers create stunning works of art through their photography, but we would rather pay our mortgage. Also, it seems that as soon as you mention “wedding” the creative lens narrows and you get locked into notions of what wedding photos are supposed to be like. Though I admit to loving America’s Next Top Model, I do not want to have a photo shoot and my aim is not the cover of Bride magazine. I’d rather actually enjoy and participate in the day! But most people want the whole photo shoot thing and the unique, meaningful poses, when to me that just feels contrived. I want someone who will unobtrusively capture the day. I’d like those photos to be artful and of a high quality, but I’m not going to take time out of this special day to stage and set-up artificial scenes.

Take the example of wedding photographers and it can be translated into any other “wedding” whatever-er. Say you want dessert. In the normal world dessert can be pie, fruit, ice cream, cookies, cannoli, fudge, and so on. Dessert at a wedding, however, has to be a cake. Big cake, little cake, chocolate cake, white cake, 8-tiered cake, cupcake – it is all still just CAKE. Yet the cake must be “designed” and one must book a cake artist months in advance. Grammar check doesn’t even come close to understanding that phrase!

I’ve started to realize that a big part of the stress I’ve been feeling over the wedding stuff stems from my struggle around to create a day that is special and meaningful, but also authentic to who we are. When it comes to cake, I care about chocolate and how it tastes. How it looks is not a critical factor to me. Similarly when it comes to bridesmaids, I want my friends there to be a part of the day, help me wrestle into my dress and have a good time. I don’t care at all what shoes they wear or what they do with their hair – they are gorgeous and no one will even notice that they don’t have matching shoes.

Simple, easy, fun.

Simple, easy, fun.

Simple, easy, fun.

SAY IT!

Spring? Here? Now?!

This is my third spring since escaping the merciless winters back east and I’ve yet to adjust. Groundhog’s Day in those parts is a total joke. Even if good ol’ Phil predicted more winter, spring was much further off than a mere six weeks. April snowstorms were regular, there was a blizzard one year at the Mothers’ Day Marathon and it even snowed the day I graduated (May 19th) after a notably mild winter. No way was spring going to settle in by mid-March, let alone February.

I have no idea whether the ground-piggy saw his shadow or not, but spring seems to be here in Portland. Little buds are sprouting on all the trees, the rain has stopped (for now at least), bulbs are sprouting from the ground and it is positively warm. And I’m positively suspicious. It seems unfathomable to me that spring could be here. I remember my first winter in Rochester and the lovely week in April that lulled me into thinking the cruel season was over. It wasn’t. I entered the library one sunny afternoon in sandals and ended up hiking in those same sandals through snow to my mid-term.

But all the signs are pointing to it being spring for real. Having three whole months of spring feels like such an incredible gift!

The Honeymoon - Cycle Oregon!

For our honeymoon we toyed with the idea of a beach vacation in New Zealand, hiking the Fjords of Norther Europe or exploring the jungles of Costa Rica.

It just wasn't working though.

First off it was all way to expensive (we did just buy a house, have a wedding this summer and on top of it I might need some wisdom teeth yanked out.)

It also didn't quite feel like us. Even if we had the cash, a kick-ass stereo is more up our alley. Also, I always have qualms about the environmental impact of world-wide jet-setting, and while we would be bringing cash into the places we are visiting, how exactly to be a globally responsible tourist? Even "green" hotels are far from sustainable and it is hard to know how much of the money you spend in a place actually goes toward the local economy and/or benefiting the people who live there. I've definitely traveled far and wide and thoroughly enjoy it, but I'm more of a purpose-driven traveler than a vacationer.

Still, we want to go on a honeymoon. But where???

Then a brilliant notion was suggested - Cycle Oregon!

We will spend a week in September biking around Oregon - this year it is through the stunningly-gorgeous far NE corner. No TV's, no phones, no cooking, no cleaning, no dishes. They handle your meals, your snacks, your camping, your luggage, give you a ride if you get tired, your entertainment, they even a beer garden set up at every camp site. You don't have to think about a single thing other than riding to the next food stop!

AND Cycle Oregon is a non-profit with all the proceeds from the ride (and its giving fund) going to support social, health and environmental projects across the state and in the small towns we ride through.

I'm really exited. And I don't even have to plan anything for it (other than training all summer and then packing properly.) All you need to do is show up and they handle the rest!

Some quotes from other riders that jive with my thoughts on it:

Chris Milan and Lori Saylor Milan of Boring, Oregon:
"As an adult, it's one of the rare times when your only responsibility for a week is to show up and ride, show up and eat, show up and be entertained and then go to sleep. (And be kind to others!) And you're outside, all day, for a whole week. You see the sunset and the sunrise and all the stars in between. Plus we're helping out the many small towns CO raises funds for. We consider Cycle Oregon one of our favorite charities."

Dave Anderson of Glide, Oregon:
"To have a truly relaxing week of vacation. No TV, no phones, no distractions, no cooking, no dishes. It's like being a kid on summer vacation again. And you can eat pizza and drink beer every evening for 7 days and go home in better shape and 5 pounds lighter than when you left! You meet 2,000 really nice, positive people. OK, 1,990 really nice people and a few grumps."

THE MOST IMPORTANT CAKE OF YOUR LIFE!

I love my Christopher and am very excited to be marrying him. When delving into many wedding details I get downright giddy and want to hug everyone. I nearly hugged the hag-ish woman at the bridal store when I finished ordering my dress.

This is one kind of wedding crazies.

But then there is the "other" kind of wedding crazies. This is the kind that arises when you can't-for-the-life-of-you-find-a-friggin'-place-to-have-the-friggin'-ceremony. Or you find a place, but is is too expensive. Or it isn't available. Or your mother's second cousin twice removed doesn't like it. Or you decide on a bridesmaid dress that ends up not being available in one of the bridesmaid's sizes, but one of the other ones already ordered it and none of you have the time to look into it because everyone has better things to do (like the work that results in paychecks) than spend hours agonizing over a stupid dress! I don't even understand the point of bridesmaids and wasn't going to deal with having any anyway!!

Our mantra, however, continues to be "simple, easy, fun" and when things get irritating or nutty or spin out of control it is very helpful to repeat, preferably to everyone around. It is amazing how easy it is for things to get ultra insane though. As soon as you mention a wedding the price and the process triple.

Have you ever planned a cake months in advance? Gone to tastings? Consulted "designs"? Dropped hundreds of dollars? After all, THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT CAKE OF YOUR LIFE!

One of my favorite cakes ever is from a supermarket and costs something around $20. And actually.... I don't really care that much about cake anyway. As long as it is chocolate!

Oh, and we FINALLY found a venue. I actually cried the other night because I'd gotten so frustrated at the entire process and just didn't know what to do anymore. Simple, outside, in a meadow in a forest. We like it and if anyone finds anything "wrong" with it, they can go get themselves married somewhere else! You can read all about it at our wedding blog :)