Secret Ingredient: Joy

Me and yoga go way back.  We've had our ups and our downs.  We were wild with passion for a while, went to India, played in Alaska, practiced together at home everyday for a year and were able to do some crazy flexy Gumby-like things for a while there.  Once we even did a version of this (forearm-stand version instead of handstand version) - though with much teacher support and we were not nearly so picturesque.  At some point though we started spending less time together and before I knew it, I realized we had barely hung out at all for a couple years.

Two years ago YogaGlo brought us back together and last summer I started thinking about the good ol' days of headstand.  It took a good bit of practice but me and headstand are solidly reunited and better than ever even.  Other inversions... not so much.  Forearm stand was always so easy (easier than headstand) and now it simply escapes me.  Handstand, which I never really nailed even against a wall, is a ludicrous effort to defy gravity.  The more I practice, the worse they both seem to get.

So last weekend we were in Bend with a friend.  The boys spent Friday and Saturday up on the mountain and I spent the days raxing.  I did some reading, caught up on calls with friends and family, walked the doggie, looked at the pretty mountains, and with the trusty wall at my back queued up a few YogaGlo handstand tutorials.

The first one was helpful but I was still flailing and nowhere close to even a hint of handstand.  The second one was technically less helpful but in the intro talked a bit about what handstand is about.  The instructor reminded me that handstands are what kids do when they are playing around and at the heart of handstand is joy.  When I first learned handstand my teacher talked about very strong arms but softening your heart.  More recently one of my favorite YogaGlo classes talks about handstand in terms of unconditional self-love.  Solidity and strength in the arms (unconditional) and softening your heart down (self-love.)

I had been so focused and working so hard to think myself into handstand.  I wasn't upset or unhappy about any of it, but I was being pretty darn serious.  The more I flailed the harder I focused and then the deeper I fell away from the poses.  I completely forgot about being silly and joyful.  I forgot that the reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly and it is much easier to fly into handstand lightly!

Somehow I never forget to keep joy front and center with my running.  Hopefully I can remember it is the crucial ingredient in pottery, poetry, yoga, cooking, loving and everything!

I did one last tutorial (on forearm stand actually) and leading with my heart felt what it was like to step lightly up into an inverted balance.  From there I was able to take that physical remembrance and get into some short, baby handstands.  Lesson learned:  The secret ingredient is always joy.