Lentil "Surprise"

Horses eat hay.  Squirrels eat nuts.  Ducks eat bugs, frogs and water plants.  Grizzly bears, in my experience, eat salmon when they can get it and lots and lots and lots of blueberries the rest of the summer.

But what does the Brookie Monster eat?

Many things.  Chocolate is generally safe, as well as most green smoothies.  Even chocolate green smoothies (truly.)  Anything from Sarah Britton will more than adequately feed her.  As well as many things from Joy Wilson or Deb Perelman.

But what is the single food best suited for this particular creature?

The answer:  Lentil "Surprise."  

And here, my amici, is a short tutorial for you, written as the mind and kitchen of a Brookie Monster work.

Step one:  Lentils.  What kind?  SURPRISE!  Any kind that you have in the pantry and that calls out to you.  Red are ideal if you have failed to plan ahead as they require no soaking.  Yellow is super tasty.  Split pea, french green, beluga black and even plain ol' brown lentils are also more than sufficient.

Step one-point-five: Secret step!  Peruse the fridge, pantry, basement or garden for vegetables.  Keep in mind what you have, what you like and what you think might go with what kind of lentils and spices.  

The Brookie Monster
On the hunt for ingredients

Step two:  Soak lentils (unless they are the wee little red ones.)  How long?  SURPRISE!  How long do you have?  Did you soak them Saturday morning intending to cook them Saturday night and then get distracted and not get to them until Sunday night?  That's cool.  Do you have only 30 minutes to pre-soak, that's okay too.  I'd recommend at least one cup of lentils but two would be better.

Step three:  Once you are gearing up to eat, get a large-ish pot, melt some coconut oil and saute some onion in that oil.  Or olive, sunflower, canola, walnut, avocado, whatever oil.  I'd recommend coconut.  How much onion?  SURPRISE!  However much onion you feel like.  I'd recommend something like one small onion or half a big one or maybe more if you are feeling onion-y or have a lot of lentils soaking.

Step four:  Once the onion is soft add some minced garlic and minced fresh ginger.  Maybe even a fresh serano chili. I usually add a lot of garlic and ginger, but I'm frisky.  You add as much as you like and let it cook on lowish heat for a minute or so.

Step five:  Add some Indian-ish spices and maybe a bit more oil or splash of water if things are too dry for you.  Stir around so the spices get warm and coat the onion stuff.  What kind of spices?  (C'mon, you know the answer by now.)  SURPRISE!  It depends on what you like, what you have, how you feel and what else you have going.  Good contenders:

• Cumin powder
• Cumin seed
• Cumin again... always add more cumin
• Coriander seed powder
• Ground cardamon (my secret weapon)
• Fennel seed
• Turmeric - always, the bare minimum
• Galangal 
• Ground ginger if you are feeling particularly ginger-y
• Nutmeg, all spice and cinnamon are nice and warming and occasionally make an appearance
• Smoked paprika
• Regular paprika
• Chili powder
• Cayenne
• Black pepper

Step six:  Pour a can of coconut milk over the spices and such.  Drain the lentils, give 'em a rinse and add to the pot.  Add some water so that the concoction is covered.  Add some salt and pepper too.  Bring to a gentle simmer.  

Step seven - optional but recommended:  Grab some vegetables.  What kind?  The kind you have laying around.  (Got you there didn't I?  You thought I was going to say "SURPRISE"!)  Chop the vegetables and add them to the pot.  Add them at the point in time that will yield both lentils and vegetables that are neither undercooked nor overcooked.  I wish I could give you more timing advice but it very much depends on the type of lentil, how much you soaked it, how hot you are cooking the lentils, what you define as perfectly cooked and more.  You will have to experiment.  Some of my favorite veggies for this:

• Yams
• Hard winter squash (butternut, acorn, etc)
• Carrots
• Chard, kale and other tough winter greens
• Zucchini if doing split green peas with turmeric

Step eight:  Keep cooking until done to your preference.  Add more water if it starts to dry out or if you like it soupy.  I like this type of dish to have semi-mushy lentils and a stew-like texture.

Step nine:  Add however much spinach you can get your hands on.  Salt to taste.  The more greens you add the more salt you will want to add.  Sprinkle a pinch of garam masala over the whole sh-bang, maybe a splash of vinegar or lemon juice to brighten things up.

Serve with:

• Some sort of grain or carb like brown rice, white rice, black rice, quinoa, buckwheat, pita, etc.  You could even give polenta (aka grits) a try.  Let me know if you do.
• A fried or poached egg.
• Fresh cilantro.
• Hot sauce.
• Love.