Just Say No

I am passionate, enthusiastic, driven, ambitious.  I get excited and sweep myself (and sometimes others) along for some fun rides.  I regularly bite off more than I can chew and promptly settle in to eat the whole friggen' elephant one bite at a time.

I get a lot done.  I have a lot of fun.  I even inspire sometimes.  This is not a bad thing.

It does, however, have its downsides.  Sometimes I don't sweep people along so much as roll over them.  Or I eat that whole elephant, but don't really enjoy the meal or where it gets me.  Last summer I did a half ironman and it was pretty intense.  I did it.  I'm proud that I did it.  I don't wish I didn't do it.  But it wasn't an enjoyable event.  That over achiever bit of me was drawn to the challenge but over achieving is not desirable.  "Over" anything is a marker of wasted time, effort, attention.  Think overshooting, overestimating.

Another dark side of this drive is perfectionism.  It took me a while to acknowledge that perfectionism is not a good thing.  Perfectionism is not high standards.  It is not doing your best.  It is an insane effort to control.  Control your house, your work, friends, family and ultimately, at its heart, self.  I have a sneaky suspicion that the antidote to this might be acceptance.  Accept your dirty dishes.  Accept that the people in your life might do or say things you don't agree with and that might also be bad for you, them, the earth, whatever.  Mostly, though accept yourself.

I am good enough.  I am good enough as I am right here and now.  With and without the perfectly trim body.  With and without the impressive job, beautiful home, awesome kids, or flashy car.  Whether or not I qualify for Boston, master the souffle or sing like an angel.

SAY IT!  "I AM GOOD ENOUGH."  If you are like me, that is hard to do without feeling super squicky and even harder to believe.

Not doing much of anything!

So what am I doing about it?  I'm focusing on not being "too busy".  I'm actively deciding not to take up screen printing.  Despite a baby boom I'm not knitting darling hats for all the new little ones.  Or any new little ones for that matter.  We are paying people to help with a major yard overhaul.  I'm sitting on our front porch in the evenings with my honey bun.  I'm running jogging very slowly.

I'm also listening to what some awesome smart inspiring people are saying:

• Mr. Money Mustache and Seth Godin too on the power of saying "no"
• Brigid Schulte on the trap of being busy
• My new discovery James Clear about making choices on how to apply your energy
• And then anything and everything from Brene Brown but most recently this interview from On Being

I'm still overdoing but I like to think I'm maybe not overdoing as much these days.  I used to drive myself to extreme illnesses once or twice a year and these days hardly ever get even a cold.  And when I did come down with some sort of virus-y thing last week I took time off work even though I wasn't deathly ill.

I might still be planning on a century bike ride this Saturday but baby steps right?