Self Image

How you see yourself is really important.

Right now I'm in this strange place where I recognize that I'm way healthier, feeling really strong, really happy and overall doing great.  But I feel fat.  I am decidedly larger than I've ever been as evidenced by my shirts being tight in the arms, bra too tight across my back, pants tight in the thighs and pinching at waist, the scale at the gym (!) and other such proof points.

But I know I'm doing well.  Pretty much everyone I see, particularly those I've not seen since feeling "better," spontaneously comment on how great I look.  Even my ballerina mother commented positively and this is a person for whom fat = stupid = ugly and whose threshold for "fat" is a body fat percentage higher than 12%.  (FYI, this borders dangerously low levels.)

So I know I'm healthy and part of me recognizes that I look good (it's hard to even type that!) but I feel so big, flabby, chubby, tubby, adjective-of-choice.  And I'm slow!  My running and biking are slower because I'm lugging around the equivalent of 2 gallons of water.

The doc says my body is in "collection mode."  Now that I can finally absorb all the vitamins, minerals and other things my body needs it is somewhat desperately sucking it all up and holding it all in.

I'm supposed to be patient.  She doesn't want me cutting out sugar or reducing calories or anything else.  So for now I'm going to keep eating healthy food, exercising, taking my minerals & vitamins, doing my yoga and focusing on how good I feel.  And secretly hoping that some of my new found poundage loses itself before our 100-mile bike ride mid-September!