Definitions of Success

I've been thinking about "success" for a couple of months.  Late spring I was feeling fairly rotten and one of the disheartening cherries on top of it all was a bizarre foot problem that popped up out of nowhere.  I woke up one morning mid-April with an odd disjointed feeling in my left foot and by the end of the day I couldn't walk.  The next day I couldn't put any pressure on the foot.  The morning this all started was the day I flew to Baltimore for my brother's wedding and nearly a week of wedding doings.

A couple of days passed and the weirdo thing seemed to be getting better.  10 days after that first morning I went for an easy run.  It didn't feel great but it didn't get worse and sort of felt like it was loosening up.  Then in an instant a whole set of tendons called it quits.  Weeks went by while I couldn't walk - not even to and fro between conference rooms at work.  Even biking stressed my foot.  It slowly slowly slowly seemed to improve and I just iced iced iced and rested rested rested.  I din't even walk the few blocks to the grocery store.

One of the trails in Forest Park

Then came June 5.  First day of the Portland Trail Series.  A set of five trail races in Portland parks every other Tuesday for a couple of months in the summer.  A series I had been planning on since October.  I gave the hamstrings a little stretch, stepped up to the starting line and when they jangled the cow bell to get us started eased into my first jog in about six weeks. Up a big hill and tackled a 5ish mile run.

And I won!  By my definition of success at least.  It was so great to be able to run, even if I was super slow, even if I actually didn't run all the way up that giant hill.  As I was running I was fighting the ego that was chiding me about my slow pace, my place in the pack, comparing my run that day to other people, other runs - even my own other runs when I was "better."

And I thought about why I run.  It sure ain't to "win" in the conventional sense.  I'm faster than a lot of people, particularly those who don't run, but I'm way slower than a whole lot of people too.  I run because I love being in the forest.  It makes me feel good in my body and in my head, in the moment and for the rest of the day.  I love the kind of people I run with or encounter when I'm running.  It gets me out of my comfort zone.  And I really love the forest!

As I ran I thought about what that means outside running and what it means to "win."  At work is it a promotion or raise? A snappy title that will impress someone?  At home is it cable TV?  Three bathrooms?  I think it is more things like enjoying what I actually do all day at work, who I work with, do I have fun, etc but there is so much inertia around titles, promotions, raises it can be hard to remember what the pieces are that actually make you happy moment to moment.

Speedsters in the trail series got gift cards (and glory!) but I totally won.