Wanna See My Bruises??

I have, at times, been known for grace, poise, balance. Unfortunately that is not the norm. The norm is clocking someone in the face with my elbow when I try to give them a hug or my uncanny ability to fall up the stairs. Once, when practicing my serve (tennis), I managed to do a somersault followed by a series of rolls. This feat concluded with me laying on my back in the mid-court staring at the sky trying to figure out how it was I got there. Witnesses don't even understand how I managed it.

So you can see that even in normal circumstances the world can be quite a perilous place for a sandpaper princess such as myself. Now try to imagine the dangers posed by moving. Last weekend I managed to drop a big box on my thigh. It doesn't seem possible (considering laws of physics) to be able to do this but I'm talented. As a result I have a big juicy bruise just below the shorts line. I think I've also been careening into things because I've been noticing all sorts of other bruises as well. One on my hip, some around the knees, the back of the calf, etc. Moving will soon be over though and my "real" adventures will start.

In the meantime I've decided that instead of a come-on like "wanna see my tan lines?" that I'll try "wanna see my bruises?" I find the "wanna see my tan lines?" line to be pretty boring. Apart from being lame it is pretty predictable - its really just like saying "wanna see my boobs?" or "wanna see me naked?" The person you are talking to knows just what sort of body parts you are talking about with such a line. "Wanna see my bruises?" though is must more mysterious and therefore much more exciting. If I asked you and you said yes I might just whip out my elbow (likely clipping you in the process). I might, however, reveal a bit of the hip. Or I might take any number of pieces of clothing off to show you… who knows what! Much more exciting isn't it??

So… wanna see my bruises?